The Lies and Manipulation of Addiction

Words that Can Help You Discover the Truth

It can take a family a very long time to realize that the problems they are having with a loved one are actually addiction. In the case of a son or daughter, there’s usually been trust and love for many years. When addiction shows up, there’s a whole new playbook, one that the family is not prepared for. In this new scenario, it becomes necessary to disregard the lies and focus on the real situation: the addiction.

With a spouse, it’s a little different. Gradually, that person who was loved and with whom one joined his (or her) life becomes someone entirely different.

An addicted person is so driven to continue to use the drugs that control every waking moment that lies and manipulation are routine. The urge is very strong to keep people from interfering with the next drink, joint or bag of dope. What the addicted person doesn’t seem to realize is that the manipulation and lies tend to fall into certain patterns. In other words, the lies and manipulation are very similar, one addict to the next. The family or spouse can use these patterns to help them identify when the real problem you are dealing with is addiction.

To help families realize what the real problem with a loved one is, here are some of the classic lies and manipulative statements that they may hear from an addicted loved one.

Blaming Others/Guilt Trips

• Why don’t you ever support me?
• You never like my ideas!
• It’s your fault I don’t succeed/make more money.
• It’s your fault I’m under so much stress.
• It’s your fault I drink/need relief (with drugs).
• All you ever do is tear me down.
• If you cared for me, you’d help me out/give me money/support me (especially for some poorly thought out, unrealistic venture).
• You’re just jealous of my success/my friends/the fact that I know how to have fun.
• The boss was unfair/picking on me/out to get me.
• My co-workers lied about me.

Misdirection

• I really love you, I want to marry you, I just need a little relief.
• You’re the best thing that ever happened to me (after lots of abusive behavior).
• If you let me move back in, I’ll do so much better, I’ve learned my lesson.
• My life is fine, it’s yours that needs to be changed.
• Why are you criticizing me when you’re taking medication too?

Excuses

• I was robbed again and I need to pay my rent/buy groceries.
• I ripped someone off and now they are threatening me so I need to pay them back.
• I need cash right now because my friend/my dog just got hurt.
• I need money today because otherwise my power/water/cell phone will be shut off.
• No, I don’t know what happened to your cellphone/CD player/television/tools.
• I hated that job anyway.
• I just need a little time off work.
• You took time off with the kids/for school so now it’s my turn (after getting fired for drug use at work).
• Someone asked me to hide those drugs for him.
• I don’t know who’s those are/how they got there.

And when the person is confronted with the problem of drug or alcohol abuse:

• I’m in control of my use.
• I can quit any time I want to.
• I can cut down if I want to.

• I don’t need rehab because I can handle this on my own.
• I’m going to taper down on my own.
• It was my first DUI, why are you so serious?
• I just (got drunk/used drugs) once.
• I just drove drunk/high once.
• This isn’t a good time to get sober because ___________.
• I just need to use one more time and then I’ll quit.
• Last night was my last time, I’m not using anymore.
• I can use ______ without becoming addicted to it.
• I don’t use as much as I used to.
• It’s just because I have so much stress.
• I’m not an alcoholic because I don’t drink hard liquor.
• I’m not a drug addict because I don’t inject/use heroin/ etc.
• I’m only hurting myself.
• The doctor told me to take these pills (when they are taking way more than prescribed).
• I can’t be addicted to marijuana because it’s not addictive.
• I need this marijuana for my __________ condition (when the person is actually just staying stoned all the time).
• I can’t go to rehab because my kids/job needs me.

Maybe this list will help you stand strong when you are being fed lies by someone you care about who is addicted to drugs or alcohol. The right answer to addiction is rehab, not excuses and manipulation.

If you need help for someone who is addicted to drugs or alcohol, contact us to learn how the Narconon rehab program can be the answer.